How my company and team supported me through pregnancy, loss, and recovery.

Three weeks ago, we lost our baby at nearly 22 weeks pregnant. This article is partly my attempt at processing this tragedy, and partly to share with organizations the importance of generous and frustration-free benefits and compassionate leaders. I frankly cannot imagine going through this without the support of both.

You'd be surprised how difficult it is to work while pregnant

When we found out we were pregnant back in June, my first call was to my manager. Besides being excited to share the news, I could already tell I was going to need some flexibility at work. First trimester fatigue is real. Because I'd built trust in delivering results over the years, and because she'd built a foundation of psychological safety, I felt totally ok asking for some grace with nap time. We also needed to decide who would lead my team while I went on 20 weeks of paid maternity leave starting in January 2023.

I shared the news with my team early as well because the team dynamics would likely shift, even if temporarily, and they deserved to know what was coming. They're amazing. Just like when my toddler (one of our unpaid interns) would join our team meeting, no one batted an eye if I disappeared off camera to vomit. Work and life are pretty well integrated around here.

And at 18 weeks, when I could no longer sit, stand, or walk without serious pain, I nearly cried when one of my team shared a travel accommodation benefit for pregnant folks to fly business. I actually cried when I spoke with the benefits person and found it was a simple process. I could fly to London for an upcoming leadership meeting without the torture of sitting upright for eight hours.

In the worst of it, I just needed the leave and benefits to be there

One week before the London trip, my husband and I went in for our 20-week ultrasound. We'd both planned to head back to work after, but that didn't happen. There's no preparing for the news that there's something extremely wrong with your baby. After enduring more tests and consults with specialists, we went home and I entered a cocoon of isolation. I asked my husband to text my manager to let her know what was going on and that I likely wouldn't be going to London.

I didn't sleep that night. I was up researching leave and medical benefits and discovered that our generous postpartum paid leave applies to pregnancy loss. It was comforting to know that if I needed it, I could take up to 10 weeks leave. Later that day, we confirmed the worst with yet more doctors, and scheduled the termination for the following week. Thankfully, my insurance covered it and I could have the safest procedure possible in the hospital OR.

I sent my team a note and set my out of office. I was offline for three weeks.

The little things count

My manager sent a gift basket and a Door Dash credit so we didn't need to worry about meals. My team sent me an awesome shirt that sparked a smirk even when it arrived the day of my surgery. Most importantly, folks generally gave me space to grieve. I wasn't up for conversations or even replying to messages. It was nice to receive them; it was even better not to stress about how to reply back. I was reassured I could take as much time and space as I needed to get through it. My team had my back.

When I came back to the office operating at maybe 20 percent, my team had basically cleared my calendar for me and eased me in with a deftness and gentleness that I will forever be grateful for. I needed that week where no one expected anything of me; I already expected too much of myself.

1 in 4

Why is my story important for organizations to understand? Because it's not particularly special. One in four pregnancies ends in miscarriage or loss. So many of our employees and their families experience this every day and they need real support.

It's not just the benefits and policies, or the culture of supportive and understanding leaders. It must be both. Flexible work hours, generous parental leave that extends to loss, succession planning, travel accommodations, mental health benefits, and compassionate teams who support their people with kindness and understanding. And food.

Pregnancy loss for me was a re-evaluation point. Life is never going to look or feel the same. Thankfully, my job at Amazon wasn't something I needed to re-evaluate. They have the systems and people in place so that work wasn't an additional source of turmoil or stress while I was physically recovering and mentally healing.