Leaving the CIA behind and finding my super power in employee experience
Seven years ago I opened my retirement calculator, saw that I could retire with full government benefits in 20 years, and decided absolutely not. I was 29 years old and felt down to my bones that I absolutely could not - would not - spend the next two decades living like that.
This is how I usually tell the story when people ask me why I left the Central Intelligence Agency. What I typically leave out, is earlier that morning, I'd first opened my annual performance review. I found a fifth year of top ratings, and that I was again not promoted. Just like that, the benefits of the job no longer outweighed the sacrifices for me.
And the sacrifices were weighty
All the holidays and family celebrations spent away from home, usually in dangerous situations. My mental health hanging on by a thread because seeking help was stigmatized if not actively discouraged. The responsibility for the health and safety of my colleagues and their families. Who I dated, lived with, married, where I traveled, how I spent my money: all life choices I needed to get my boss's permission for.
Speaking of bosses. It was an eight-year-long dumpster fire string of managers I would actually wish on my worst enemies (because I believe in Justice). There was the control freak who paralyzed our office in silence. Then her successor who was breaking into our computers to read our email and stalking another woman at post. Both were recalled to headquarters. There was the male boss who hit on me on our way out to start our tours in the war zone. I guess I reminded him of his wife. There was the other male boss who insisted on sitting spread eagle in front of the closed door of his office while grilling me on my sex life ... for national security.
Finding the confidence to quit
For years, I'd had this nagging feeling that I was giving literally all of myself and in return, I felt small, insignificant, and not good enough. Even worse, the CIA had a way of convincing you that your skills wouldn't translate out in the corporate world. That the benefits and job security couldn't be matched. That no matter how bad it was, you were better off just sticking around until you retired.
Back to 2015. I'd finally found the push I needed to take action on my own behalf. I had no idea what I was going to do with my career or where I was going to go. I didn't even have a resume (and wouldn't for another five months because I needed to not just write it but get it approved by the Agency). But that same day I went to my career advisors/HR and told them I intended to resign as soon as possible. I would continue to be Outstanding as long as I was there, but then, just Out!
Landing in tech
Eight months after I handed in my notice, I started at AWS. It was a six-month contract program manager role supporting our global data center security teams. On day two, the director I was supporting asked me to brief the team on what they were doing wrong and how they should be managing this massive global security infrastructure project. On day three, I shared my opinion and an outline of how we could really keep this effort on track. And he listened! Boom! New program management approach. I was floored. Three days in tech, and I felt more trusted as a subject matter expert than in eight years at the Agency.
From the spy game to culture work
Fast forward to today. I'm now leading a small-but-mighty team of Employee Engagement & Culture managers supporting more than 20,000 employees across the globe. I help folks create, build, and work from a place of joy rather than dread. It's taken seven years of reflection to really understand the thread that connects that feeling I had in 2015 that led me to leave a life-long career and pension behind, to the feeling of ownership and empowerment on day three at Amazon, to today when my whole job is to #MakeWorkSuckLess for others. But I get it now.
I want others to benefit from my experience of wading through years of misery and dread, of managing up to terrible bosses, of feeling completely out of control of my own career, and of to total misalignment of my values and passions with my job. Sometimes work sucks, but it doesn't have to.
Thanks to the real ones
What makes work suck less? Great leaders certainly help. So I need to thank the incredible men and women I've worked with here at AWS who believed in my talents, nurtured my interests, and supported where I wanted to take my career. Thank you, Michael Frazier, CPP, PMP for encouraging me to grow into employee communications. Thank you, Meredith Mirrington for showing me what authentic, human leadership looks like. And thank you, Heather DeJong for supporting my passion in DEI and giving me the space to come back from maternity leave and decide if I was up for the challenge of building this team. You've enabled me to bring my best self to work and that is the cornerstone of a stellar employee experience.
Connect with me
Today I help folks at AWS build connection to coworkers and leaders, to their team's mission, and to community. A good employee experience is all about authentic connection. I share insight on dealing with those bosses who could form their own special circle of hell, and tips on how to avoid being that boss that by leading and developing your team with compassion. Join me on Instagram @cassandrababilya.
And, if you're one of the 40% of employees still considering a new career path, but are not sure where to begin, download my free guide to discover your purpose.
