What women want at work
In college, I was a temp in a hospital events office. Yes, we coordinated hospital events with catering and A/V. We were also the people who directed the porters to move patients from Point A to Point B. Jack Ryan from Room 311 to Dialysis. Ethan Hunt from X-Ray to Ortho. Evelyn Salt from OR to Morgue.
There were three of us crammed into a tiny administrative office on the top floor of the hospital. I don't remember their names. A firm, but kind Black woman in her 50s was supervisor to myself and a dude who was probably in his mid-20s. I spent that summer trying to avoid his advances: both sexual and the advancing of his chair closer and closer to mine. It was like the Western Front in there. Just a 20-year old me trying to make it through the summer without absolutely losing my shit on this guy. Trying to keep the peace.
Had it been today. I would have unleashed the full weight of 36 years of frustration, anger, shame, and denial of dealing with different versions of that guy.
One: Women want peace at work.
We keep the peace because we want peace. We want to be left alone to do our jobs without the harassment, without the micro-aggressions, without the condescension, without the belittlement from the f**king patriarchy.
The most recent iteration of this happened when I was 31. I was walking through the office and a senior manager (a man, of course) asked (told) me to come and take notes for his meeting. Some context:
This was Amazon; everyone takes their own notes
I did not report to him
I am known for taking incredible notes
I am, at my core, a people pleaser
My actual boss was also in that meeting
I sat in there, fuming. I absolutely did not want to be there, but felt compelled to not let folks down. So I agreed. And seethed. I watched my boss see the situation, understand my feelings about it, and sheepishly do nothing. If looks could kill. I took amazing notes, and at the end of the meeting, sent them around to everyone in the room. Then, I pulled him aside and firmly let him know exactly how unacceptable the whole thing was. To his credit, he took the feedback well and never did it again.
But why did I need to have that conversation in the first place? Why did no one else in that room address the behavior. Where were the allies?? I just wanted to grab my fifth coffee of the day and get on with my work. Instead, that nonsense.
Two: Women want to be seen as humans with value.
I don't know how many times I've felt like just another number. A token woman. A token brown woman. A token poor kid. Sometimes all at once. Certainly fewer times than I've fended off some man's advances at work. Enough to become a running theme. Being the only is exhausting.
Did I earn my full scholarship and place at UVA? I certainly didn't feel like I belonged there. Being the only woman on base in a war zone and needing to share a shower connex with my male colleagues. Discovering I was making $20,000 less than men doing the same job with the same experience.
Women, particularly Black and brown women, are held up as shiny figures for schools, governments, and companies to demonstrate their diversity. Commitment to equality. Progressiveness. Beyond the marketing materials touting their admission and hiring metrics, what support do they offer these women? Do they feel like they belong? Do they feel like they can ask for what they need? Are they compensated the same as their male counterparts? We're so much more than just a number and we deserve to be treated as such.
Along the lines of being seen, I also want to see other women. In leadership and in management roles. I want to see women heading innovative projects. I want to see women as trusted advisors. I want to see women leading conversations. All the representation in the world doesn't count if we concentrate women and other underrepresented groups at the lower end of the pay scale or in specific job roles.
Three: Women want to be heard.
"Don't need to worry your pretty little head."
"That's an interesting idea, but I just don't think you understand how things work around here."
"Are you sure he meant it that way?"
Not speaking for all women here, but back to wanting peace and to be valued as an individual human... nothing makes me angrier than when I feel like I'm being ignored or placated when I bring these issues to light. I can't be the only one, right? 81% of women have experienced sexual harassment in the workplace. So why, when we speak our truth, are we silenced and discredited? Believe women.
Also, listen to women. We have great ideas! Step 1: Seek out the opinions of people who have different lived experiences than yourself. Step 2: Consider that a different approach, though not something you came up with, may be the best way to best support a whole bunch of other folks, who also are not like yourself. We know that diverse groups of people generate more innovative (ahem, profitable) solutions. So, listen and act accordingly.
Finally, give credit to women. Every time a man speaks over a women in a meeting or presents her idea as his own, an angel looses their wings. Don't be that person. The simplest act of allyship is redirecting the conversation back to the originator of a great idea, "It sounds like you agree with Sarah's approach, Mike. I'd like to hear more from her about what she was thinking around next steps." Boom.
That's it.
We women want to be left in peace to do amazing work, we want to be valued and supported as human beings, and we want to feel heard. What we're asking for is simple. Treat us as people. Not as objects, not as resources, and not as disposable. How can organizations support women? To start:
Enforce zero tolerance policies for harassment and discrimination
Pay transparency
Hire and promote women into leadership positions
Invest in programs that support an inclusive culture (e.g., Employee Resource Groups)
If you've enjoyed this edition of Make Work Suck Less, and would like more of my insights around career growth, employee experience, and work-life balance, subscribe here.
