How To Make Changes That Will Stick
Reflecting back on 2022 - how did you do this year? Did you make the changes you said you would on January 1st? Did you achieve what you set out to achieve at work or in life? Do you look and feel like you thought you would? Maybe these questions feel like the Ghost of Christmas Past, Present, and Future all coming to haunt you. And for that, I apologize.
We humans are an ambitious bunch who really struggle with making change.
How many times have you set New Year's Resolutions to lose weight, spend more time with your family, finally finish that degree, or find your dream job. And then you just ... didn't. Maybe you took some promising steps in January, but your resolve fizzled out and everyday life got in the way like it always does.
We humans are an ambitious bunch who really struggle with making change. The idea of committing to a few things to Change Your Life, starting tomorrow. That's intoxicating. And incredibly hard.
I don't set New Year's Resolutions for this reason. I know I'm setting myself up for failure if I'm tying a significant life goal to an arbitrary date on the calendar. The desire is absolutely mine, but the motivation is external. I'm not actually committed to the outcome if the decision, process, or motivation doesn't come entirely from me.
Change the story about yourself.
Instead, each year I set an Intention Word. One word to focus myself throughout the year back toward how I want to show up in life overall. Grounded, Expand, Thrive, Heal. These are not resolutions, they are gentle reminders to myself of what I want more of in my life. Notice I said more of, not all of. You can't fail at an intention word; it's not a resolution. It's a tool to nudge yourself when you find the daily grind has gotten in the way. To change the story about yourself.
Last month, I attended a talk with James Clear, author of Atomic Habits. He introduced the power of tiny gains: smalls steps can lead to monumental change. Did you know that if you make a 1% improvement each day, over the course of a year, you will be 37% better than when you started. (I'm trusting his math is mathing here ... this is how compounded interest works, right?)
An example from the common New Year's Resolution to "get fit" is that doing one sit up is better than doing none. And doing one more sit up today than you did yesterday will lead to some awesome abs at the end of the year.
Behavior change is actually about identity change.
What really resonated with me about his work is that behavior change is actually about identity change. Being it versus doing it. In order to get where we want to go, we need to act in alignment with the person we see ourselves to be. So before we get to counting sit ups, we need to identify as Someone Who Works Out. Clear said, "Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become."
Combining intentions, habits, and goals
Back to my approach to making changes that stick. The goals we're usually thinking about around this time of year feel so personal. We usually identify something significant about ourselves we've been meaning to change for years. As I mentioned earlier, change is HARD. So here's how I make it stick - using intention to nudge me toward small steps, and by setting the occasional goal.
Start by setting an Intention Word. Imagine it's December 31, 2023. What does your life look like? How do you feel? What's changed about you or your environment. What from 2022 do you want lean into or leave behind in 2023? In 2020, my word was Grounded. I defined it as "Going with ease. Be balanced in body and spirit. Accept things as they come. Soften back to self. Enjoy slow rituals. Create things. Stay in touch. Get outside." I wanted to be a more grounded person. Looking back, all of these elements of being grounded still hold true today. Did I ever totally realize vision. Absolutely not. Is it something that I've made powerful tiny gains on in the last 3 years? YES.
Use your intention to make tiny gains each day. Let's say your word is Present, as in, I'd like to be more present with my children. When you find yourself at your laptop multi-tasking making dinner, while your toddler zones out to Cocomelon ... your word is there to nudge. Instead of feeling like you've failed at work and at parenting simultaneously, it's an opportunity to choose being more present. If being fully present isn't an option in that moment, that's ok too. You've just nudged yourself into finding a way to be fully present later on in the evening, or spending a few extra minutes in the morning reading that story about a happy lion. It's not about making a light switch change to BE PRESENT 100% OF THE TIME. It's remembering that small actions add up to being the person you want to be.
Set goals that make sense to you, when they make sense to you. There is absolutely space for setting (and smashing) goals. Businesses and teams set goals all the time. The secret is making them SMART: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound. In fact, each year I set a professional development goal for myself, usually to build a skill I need for my current role or for a role I'd like to take on in the near future. Examples have included getting Speaker Certified, attending a development conference for communicators and PR professionals, and most recently, becoming a Certified Professional Coach. When we feel bound to someone else's timeline, we're less likely to follow-through. Do what makes sense to you.
If your intention is to show up more carefree and joyful, you want to be the type of person who lets things slide off your back. You could set your Intention Word as Joy or Light. Throughout the year, every day is another opportunity to show up as the joyful person you want to be. To find delight in the small things. This could be joy in watching your kids play in the leaves. It could also look like getting to know that one coworker who usually drives you batty, and finding out you both secretly love Real Housewives. The beauty of this intention is that you cannot fail at joy. A single moment of joy is 1% better than the dread the day before.
And when you feel ready for it, set a goal around doing more of the things that bring you joy. For someone who likes the outdoors, this goal could be to hike five local national parks this summer. For someone who wants to laugh more with her family, it could be to have weekly family dinner and game nights with a no devices rule.
Whatever you're looking for out of life in the new year, I hope you find a little bit more of it each day.
#jamesclear #atomichabits #makeworksuckless #goalsetting #resolutions #intentions
