Three Strategies to Cope (Better) with Toxic Managers
This week in making work suck less, I wrote a guest post for SelectSoftware Reviews about how companies can identify and deal with the managers who create a toxic work environment. From the perspective of organizations, it makes (dollars and) sense to address toxic managers head on. Workplaces that enable or encourage disrespectful, non-inclusive, unethical, cutthroat, or abusive behaviors from their leaders, will in turn, get a disengaged workforce with higher absenteeism, higher healthcare costs, lower productivity and innovation, and ultimately increased attrition. It costs between 0.5-2x of an employee's annual salary to hire and onboard a backfill. That adds up quickly.
To stop the cycle of toxic managers and disengagement, organizations can implement an employee feedback strategy to identify these leaders, and a manager development program to ensure they have the coaching and tools they need to lead with more emotional intelligence. Read more about that here.
Here, I'd like to share some strategies on what employees can do from the other side of the toxic manager equation.
Getting through it in a stagnant job market
The job market of the Great Resignation is gone. Companies that just six months ago were fighting for talent Hunger Games-style, are now facing hiring freezes and layoffs. This means the 40% of employees who were considering leaving their jobs (mostly due to toxic work culture) now find themselves stuck where they are waiting until either the hiring cycle swings back in their favor or their company comes to the rescue with comprehensive manager development. In the words of my Cocomelon ear worm of the day, "can't go over it, can't go under it, gotta go through it."
Side note to other parents out there who rely on the C-word to get through the day while working from home with toddlers, and inevitably find yourselves singing Wheels on the Bus in JJ's voice as you drift off ... I see you.
How we're (poorly) coping with bad leaders
76% of workers say they've had or currently have a toxic boss. I've been there, too. If this is your current reality, I imagine one a few scenarios may apply to your day-to-day.
You're waiting for someone to drop Brene Brown's Dare to Lead on your boss's desk so they might start exhibiting some humanity. You maybe already have.
You've already got a LinkedIn job alert set up to find your next role and you spend your lunch break browsing open jobs, dreaming of the day when the sound of a Slack ping doesn't cause an anxiety attack.
You have a work bestie who functions as your defacto manager and therapist. You go to them for advice (and a shoulder to cry on) because you can't trust your actual manager, or maybe you can't even get in touch with them.
Living like this isn't sustainable. You and your mental health deserve so much more.
Managers are humans, too. Even the bad ones.
First, I want to say to all you employees out here who'd describe their current manager as micro-managing, disconnected, selfish, dismissive, egocentric, tyrant, or soul-crushing: it is not your fault. There is no excuse for their behavior and the impact it has on you.
AND. This is simply some food for thought.
2 of 5 managers say they felt unprepared to lead when they stepped into management. 58% say they didn't receive any management training. According to Gallup, only 10% of people naturally have what it takes to lead people.
1 in 3 managers say the demands of the job interfere with their family life. 4 in 10 managers highly agree that they have multiple competing priorities.
Managers are humans, too. 43% of managers are experiencing burnout.
Your manager may be doing the best they can with what they have. So, whether this critical relationship isn't working by happenstance or by design, what can employees do to improve it?
Three strategies to cope (better)
There is a lot of advice out there on how to manage up, what to do when your leader can't lead, and when it's time to throw in the ropes and drop the proverbial career mic. Here's what's worked for me and the folks I work with.
Consider positive intent. I won't tell you not to take it personally because it feels intensely personal to have your manager, a person you deal with for one-third of your waking life, treat you like crap. I also won't tell you to "assume" positive intent. That also seems a step too far. While people sometimes are simply unaware and doing the best they can, they can also intentionally be neglectful, aggressive, or inappropriate. I'll let you be the judge of your situation. However, try to consider positive intent. This mindset shift from "they hate me and are purposely making my life miserable" to "I wonder if they're miserable, too" makes it possible to build a bridge of connection to your manager. I worked with a client who made this exact mindset shift and dramatically improved their relationship with their boss. Turns out, they just needed to find some common ground to work towards common goals.
Find a sponsor or an excellent mentor. If your manager isn't fulfilling a their role as your advocate, then you should find someone who will. Promotions, stretch projects, and other opportunities come when there is a senior leader there to sing your praises when you're not in the room. A good mentor will can also serve as a sounding board. Before you hit send on a snarky email, get a quick review. Get an alternate perspective on work situations that you are too close to judge objectively. Is your manager punishing you by not giving you a specific assignment or are they giving you an opportunity to propose your own work stream?
Do your job well. Easier said than done, right? First, you'll need to get clear guidance from your manager on what good looks like. You can't meet their expectations if you don't know what they are. Once you've got solid KPIs to work toward, do your best to meet them (without working endless overtime). Over-communicate your progress to your manager. Set up weekly one-on-one meetings, if they haven't done so already. If they decline the meetings, send weekly updates via email. Tell them where you've identified blockers and tell them specifically how they can help you remove them. Connection is key to a productive working relationship. And if you can't connect? Document. Keep a record of your interactions. It will come in handy if and when you need to involve HR.
We can all agree, managers are KEY to the #employeeexperience and sometimes they don't get it right. I've been there and it's likely that you have, too. There are times when the healthiest way to deal with a toxic leader is to leave. When leaving isn't an option, or not an immediate option at least, employees can try to build connection to that leader, find an alternate support system, or you keep your head down and bide your time until a new path is available. Whichever you choose, do it on purpose.
Would love to hear the strategies that have (and haven't) worked for you. Share in the comments!
